Teh Interview!

Interview with Bob Ewell

Me: Hello, sir, I am Mark Wei, from TehEpixPwnage news. I would like to interview you on the recent happenings in Maycomb, if that is okay with you?

Bob: Damn straight! In this old town t’was nothin’ of interest until that damned nigger showed up, tried to force ‘imself on my lil’ beaut Mayella!

Me: Yes, of course, sir. What did you think about that… “nigger’s” trial, then?

Bob: He got what he deserved, that nigger. That’s what all niggers get when they go crazy, we plant a bullet in ‘em backs, hell yes we do!

Me: I meant what you felt about the trial itself. Do you think it’s prejudiced in anyway? Racist, even?

Bob: Racist, my ass! It ‘as all fair ‘n tidy, I say. ‘E tried to force ‘imself on my daughter, he got caught, he got a bullet ‘stead. Simple as that. Don tell me you’re one o’ those nigger-lovers too? Like that damn Atticus?

Me: Atticus, sir?

Bob: He’s that addled fool livin’ down the street. Claim’s he’s a bloody lawyer, I say! Lawyer! He tried to defend that nigger. Who does he think he is, eh? Our town doesn’t welcome no nigger-lover lawyers! He brought shame upon his family, yes he did! Shoulda gone back to the city long ago, that bloody fool.

Me: Don’t you think that’s a little harsh, sir?

Bob: Harsh? He’s the one who doesn’t know the rules of the town, bloody idiot.

Me: Okay, sir. I heard there was an attempted murder on two children?

Bob: Yeah, they’re those Atticus’ kids. Ha! Even God almighty’s giving ‘im hell.

Me: You have any idea who might have done such a thing?

Bob: Ha! That was me! ‘N proud of it too! Taught that nigger-lover a thing or two about messin’ with the people o’ Maycomb, I did!

Me: But those were innocent children!

Bob: It was my beaut Mayella, who almost got ruined by the nigger too! And that damned lawyer just had to defend him straight up to the doors of Hell! He still got what he deserved in the end, so screw that nigger-lover!

Me: Well, I guess certain circumstances…

Bob: ‘N you go tell that nigger-lover if he wanta live, he better be gettn’ outta town soon ‘n go crawlin’ back to the city before he gets into trouble again and someone chops him to pieces! Bahahaha!

Me: Well… Thank you for the fruitful insight sir, have a nice day. (I have got to get out of this place!)

Mua Song!

All Rise

Your honor please, gotta believe what I say,
What I will tell, happened just the other day,
I must confess, that I’ve had about enough,
I need your help, gotta make this here thing stop,

Baby I swear, I tell truth,
About all the things we used to do,
And if you thought, you got me fooled,
Well I’m telling you now; objection overruled

One for the fact, that you’re black,
And two for the time you touched my back
All rise, all rise
Three for the money you’ve been taking
That’s four for the times you’ve been faking
All rise, all rise

You understand, with your back against wall,
Your damn façade, was not realistic at all,
You try to hide, but there’s no escapin’ now
You try to pray, but you blacks just don’t know how

One for the fact, that you’re black,
And two for the time you touched my back
All rise, all rise


Three for the money you’ve been taking
That’s four for the times you’ve been faking
All rise, all rise

Now that the case, has come down to a close,
You stand and pray, but you know there’s no hope
The jury stands, as the others stare you down
He stares you down, with a face full of frown

You know, you’ve been treated unfair
You know, you would never ever dare
You know, there’s no one in this room who sides you…
But guess what, this. Is. Maycomb!

One for the fact, that you’re black,
And two for the time you touched my back
All rise, all rise
Three for the money you’ve been taking
That’s four for the times you’ve been faking
All rise, all rise

One for the fact, that you’re black,
And two for the time you touched my back
All rise, all rise



Three for the money you’ve been taking
That’s four for the times you’ve been faking
All rise, all rise

[Fade off]